meditation
Many, if not most, people in this society have father relationships poisoned by the negative experiences of bad childhoods and of patriarchy. But father energy is still important to all of us.
With this in mind, we wrote this meditation to help you get more in touch with positive father-god energy. While each of our particular fathers stand as our first embodiment of a father god, our fathers' embodiment wasn't necessarily the most benevolent or complete one. This meditation first releases father-god energy from your personal father, then introduces a more direct relationship with a positive paternal divinity.
The meditation includes a section forgiving your personal father. The point of doing so isn't for his sake, but for your own. Forgiving him helps you let go of any energy that might be trapped between you, so you can have access to that energy and use it in your own life.
Forgiving your father might not come easy for you. Many of us have a lot of legitimate rage and sorrow directed toward our fathers. Nonetheless, it still might be worthwhile to try this practice.
If you want to try forgiveness, but don't feel you can fully forgive your father now, fine. Only forgive as much as you can, and don't beat yourself up for not being able to forgive more. If you want to, you can repeat the meditation and forgive a little more each time. If you don't want to forgive your father at all, that's your decision, but forgiveness is an integral part of this meditation.
Also, don't embark on this meditation unless you feel ready for it.
The father relationship is often dicey, and you might fall
into depths of pain you didn't know were there. If you do find yourself
overwhelmed, simply open your eyes and return from trance.
To use this meditation, either record it and play it back, or have someone
read it to you. While reading it, go slowly, pausing
after each phrase or sentence, and leave silences as indicated in italics
in the text. While meditating, either lie on a bed
or on the floor, or if you are prone to falling asleep sit in a straight
chair.
---
Begin by closing your eyes. Breathe deeply. Relax your belly,
and breathe from it. Feel your body; wiggle your fingers and toes.
Feel the places your body is sore or tired and relax those parts.
Relax all over, as completely as possible. Continue to breathe
deeply, to the count of ten. (If you are reading or taping
the meditation, pause here for at least 30 seconds.)
Ground yourself. Send your grounding deep into the earth; connect
with the heart of the Mother. Open yourself also to sky energy,
and let the combined earth and sky energy come into you, cleansing
your energy and releasing tension. Release any cares and troubles
down your grounding into Mother Earth, where they will be neutralized.
(Pause for at least 20 seconds.)
Create a circle of protection around yourself. Draw it above you
and below you, so a protective sphere completely encloses you.
Know you are perfectly safe within this sphere. (Pause for
at least 10 seconds.)
Also, know that at any time if you feel uncomfortable, you can
lighten your trance by getting in touch with your body, wiggling
your fingers or concentrating on your breathing. You can also
end the meditation at any time by simply opening your eyes.
Breathe deeply, and maintain your grounding.
You stand in a dark space, indoors. Your eyes begin to adjust,
and you see your father as you remember him from long ago. He
sits in the room you most associate with him from your childhood.
If you have no childhood memories of your father, create the image
of him and the room you want. (Pause for at least 10 seconds.)
As you stare at your father, he looks up. He greets you, and he
asks you what you want. You tell him that you want to make peace
with him.
He frowns slightly; he appears to think a moment. Then he agrees.
He stands up and comes closer to you. (Pause for at least 10
seconds.)
As you stand facing your father, allow any negative feelings about
him to rise up within you. Feel them as fully as you can without
causing yourself harm. Let them rise, and peak. (Pause for
at least 20 seconds.)
Then let go of the feelings; let them flow down your grounding
into the earth. Say to yourself, "I let go of my negative
feelings toward my father." Name each feeling as it goes,
saying in each case, "I let this feeling go, into the earth."
(Pause for at least 30 seconds.)
When you have let go of your negative feelings toward your father
as fully as possible, reground yourself. Breathe deeply for ten
breaths. (Pause for at least 20 seconds.)
Refocus on the image of your father. Look at the expression on
his face. What is he feeling? Hold out your arms to him, and say
to him, "I choose forgiveness. I choose love. I forgive you."
Allow yourself to send mercy, love and forgiveness to your father.
(Pause for at least 20 seconds.)
Now, say to yourself, "I choose love and forgiveness also
for myself. I forgive myself for any negative feelings toward
my father. I forgive myself." Accept mercy, love and forgiveness
for yourself; feel the releasing, cleansing energy flow into you.
(Pause for at least 20 seconds.)
Once again, concentrate fully on your father, trying to focus
on all the tiny details of his image as he stands before you.
You cannot lose him; you cannot change him. Know however that
he is not the father-god, but only the personal father you have
for this lifetime. See him small and particular, only a human
being, like yourself. Let any extra energy he might hold for you
drain off into Mother Earth. (Pause for at least 20 seconds.)
Now look past your father, to the wall behind. As you do, the
image of your personal father disappears. He returns to the place
he belongs.
Look through the wall to the world outside. Look across the world,
across time and space to a grove of trees beside the sea.
You stand in that grove beside the sea. Feel the sea wind in your
hair. Smell the salt in the breeze. Feel the sense of anticipation
that fills this empty place. There is no one else here. There
is no one else in this universe. You are alone.
Now from among the breaking waves comes the Mother, naked and
full of power, larger than a mountain range. She enters the grove
and stands at its center. She is taller than the trees, while
you are smaller than their leaves.
From out of the forest comes the Father, naked and full of power.
He comes to her and kneels. His penis is hard. You see that they
shall mate, and you can't help feeling embarrassed, but their
sex is not what you expect. The earth touches the sky, the air
rises through flames, the sea caresses the shore. All is confusion,
mixed together in the sexual act. You cannot recognize the gods
or any features of the landscape anymore. Everything is burned
away, washed away, blown away as dust. You are caught in the chaos,
and you feel the world beginning. (Pause for at least 10 seconds.)
You see Mother Earth below you. All across the earth, seeds begin
to sprout. Each one is you and not you. You feel the Father's
breath on each seed. You feel the strength that protects, the
feeding and the gift of water, the teaching and above all the
love. (Pause for at least 10 seconds.)
Now you see before you again the Father God. He is large, perhaps
twice your height, and strongly muscled. He sits on a huge boulder,
left over from the Ice Age. Study him; what does he look like
to you? (Pause for at least 10 seconds.)
You come forward toward him, and he holds out his arms. You sink
into his embrace. From him into you come incredible waves of strong,
protective fatherly love. The feeling is completely positive,
deep and warming. He is a place of utter safety. He gives you
endless amounts of love. (Pause for at least 20 seconds.)
You sit on the Father's knee. He holds you there, supporting your
back with a large hand. "What do you want from me, my child?"
he asks you. "What did your personal father never give you?
What do you want from a father?"
Think for a moment, and ask Him for what you need. (Pause for
at least 20 seconds.)
Now the Father answers you, either giving you a token of what
you need or telling you how he will grant your wish. He might
have an additional message for you. (Pause for at least 20
seconds.)
You thank him. (Pause for at least 10 seconds.) He smiles,
and from his smile you feel incredible warmth. "One more
thing," he says. "If you wish to worship me, call me
by this name." (Pause for at least 10 seconds.)
Now say goodbye to the Father. (Pause for at least 10 seconds.)
All around you the scene slowly goes dark.
Breathe deeply. You are beginning to awake from trance. Feel your
body; hear around you the sounds of the room and the sounds from
outside. Wiggle your fingers and toes, and move your arms and
legs. When you are ready, open your eyes.
---
After this meditation, you might want to make an offering to the father
god you met. Find or make your offering, and with it in
your hands meditate on the reason you want to offer it. Raise energy,
and fill the offering full of the love and respect you
have for your father god. When you have sent energy into your offering,
state that you dedicate your offering to Him. Then either leave it
on your altar or in another place you find symbolic of the Father's energy.
Some ideas for offerings:
* Animal bone, tooth or skull.
* Art that you have made for Him or that seems to have His energy.
* Bag or glove worked from leather.
* Fur.
* Hand tools.
* Knife, spear or other weapon.
* Mask, especially one that seems masculine or has horns.
* Music that you have written for Him or that seems to have His energy.
* Prayer to Him.
* Ring or bracelet that is masculine in design.
* Staff or wand.
* Teddy bear.
* Votive statue.
We'd like to thank NightOwl for ideas we have taken from her Yule 1995
Widdershins article, "Forgiveness: Overcoming
the Hypnosis of Fear."