Pagan, Wiccan and Techno Humor

Pagan Humor

I've got TONS of funny stuff. Too much to put out right now.... keep coming back <g>.

here's a teasing though (and yes, I have no idea where ost of this came from -- tell me if you do)

Magic at the turn of the Millenium

The nature of spirituality and magic has changed substantially in the last few centuries. In medieval times, people felt themselves surrounded by hostile forces beyond their control, and they developed spells and other rituals to protect themselves. Today we are still surrounded by hostile forces beyond our control, but the spells and rituals have changed to meet modern needs. Herewith a list of medieval spells, items, and spiritual concepts, and their current equivalents:

Medieval Magic                          Modern Magic
--------------                              -----------------------------
Summon spirit of the dead             Summon waiter
Heal the sick                                 Heal bad haircut
Garlic turns away vampire             Garlic turns away tax auditor
Confession absolves sin                Confession obtains plea-bargain
Exorcise demonic possession        Exorcise daughter's interest in biker
Exorcise demonic possession 2     Exorcise mother-in-law from property
Charm a dragon                           Charm your date
Cast out demons                          Cast out cockroaches
Remove curse                              Remove pimple
Dispel evil spirit                             Dispel smell of dope in car
Fairies are playful woodland creatures         Fairies are playful urban creatures

Brownies are malicious                 Brownies are delicious
Witches' brew                              Vicks Nyquil
Venal sin                                      Misdemeanor
Mortal sin                                     Felony
Papal indulgence                           Mayor can fix parking tickets
Lay curse on overlord                   Lose boss' overheads
Mortification of the flesh                Waiting in line at the DMV
Abstinence                                    Yeah, right. (AS IF!)
Burning at the stake                       "60 Minutes" exposee'
Sleeping potion                             C-SPAN
Protective amulet                          Car alarm (equally effective)
Limbo                                           Gridlock
Last rites avoid purgatory              Last will avoids probate
Damn to Hell                                Report to IRS Audit
Love potion                                  Rogaine (equally desperate measures)
Sell soul for riches                         (no change)
Raise the dead                               Raise the Dow

The Top 10 Reasons Why Athames Are Black:

         1.So they'll go with any color of robe.
         2.So you can cover up nicks & scratches with shoe polish.
         3.It's slimming (can't have fat athames, can we?)
         4.It doesn't show dirt.
         5.Because finding a dropped athame during an outdoor ritual in the dark is a test of loyalty to your faith.
         6.It's so much more dignified than chartreusse.
         7.Seemed like a good idea at the time.
         8.Someone spilled all the paints together and that's what ended up.
         9.No, no! Black is for winter rituals--use white before Labor Day!

And the #1 reason athames are black....

1.So that we'd have something to argue about other than how "athame" is pronounced!